Real-World Advice from Morgan Hildebrand, Founder of Holistique Self Care Studio
Co-parenting after divorce can be hard. You’re trying to stay calm, protect your peace, and do what’s best for your kids — all while communicating with someone who once knew exactly how to push your buttons. Sound familiar?
You’re not alone.
At Not Quite Done With Divorce, we recently sat down with Morgan Hildebrand, founder of Holistique Self Care Studio, to talk about one of the trickiest parts of co-parenting: communicating without getting triggered. Morgan shared thoughtful, real-world advice about setting boundaries, separating emotion from logistics, and keeping the focus on what matters most — your children’s well-being.
1. Start With Intention: What Are You Really Asking?
When you reach out to your co-parent, pause for a second and ask yourself:
What do I really want to know?
Are you checking in because you’re genuinely curious about how your kids are doing? Or are you bracing for a reaction or trying to manage the other person’s emotions? Morgan says that getting clear on your intent changes everything.
“If your goal is to talk about your child’s well-being, that’s a totally different conversation than trying not to upset your co-parent.”
For example, instead of asking:
“How are things going over there?”
Try this:
“I’ve noticed our daughter seems a little tired after school — have you noticed that too?”
It’s calm, clear, and centered on the child — not the past. That shift in tone makes a big difference.
2. Keep Your Baggage Out of Kid Conversations
Let’s be real — divorce is emotional. There’s history, hurt, and plenty of buttons that still get pushed. But as Morgan reminds us:
“My emotional baggage doesn’t belong in a conversation about the health and well-being of our child.”
That’s not about ignoring your feelings. It’s about honoring them in the right space — with your therapist, coach, or supportive friends — instead of bringing them into parenting conversations.
When you keep the focus on your child, you communicate more effectively and protect your emotional energy.
3. Boundaries Are Self-Care
Morgan puts it beautifully:
“Boundaries aren’t just about how others treat you — they’re also about how you choose to communicate.”
That might mean:
- Letting your lawyer handle legal discussions.
- Choosing not to revisit old relationship issues.
- Ending a conversation calmly when it crosses a line.
You can say something like:
“When we’re ready to focus on what’s best for our child, I’m happy to continue this conversation.”
Boundaries like that aren’t cold or harsh — they’re caring. They protect you and model healthy communication for your kids.
4. When Boundaries Get Ignored
Even with the best intentions, sometimes boundaries get pushed or dismissed. If that happens, Morgan suggests adding structure instead of adding stress.
Start small — move from in-person chats to phone calls. If that’s not working, shift to text or email.
And if you need even more clarity, try a co-parenting app like TalkingParents or Our Family Wizard. These tools document everything and keep communication child-focused.
“Documentation isn’t negative,” Morgan explains. “It’s an opportunity for both sides to be clear.”
5. Outsourcing Is a Form of Self-Love
One of Morgan’s most empowering takeaways was this:
“If you’re paying professionals good money, let them do their jobs. Outsourcing is one of the best things you can do for your boundaries.”
Whether it’s your attorney, financial advisor, or therapist — letting experts handle the hard stuff gives you more time and space to focus on healing, rebuilding, and showing up as the calm, grounded parent your kids need.
A Hopeful Reminder
You don’t have to be the perfect co-parent — just an intentional one.
Every time you pause before reacting, choose calm over conflict, or redirect the conversation back to your kids, you’re building something powerful: a more peaceful future for your family.
If you’re ready to feel more confident and less triggered in your co-parenting journey, join one of our Not Quite Done With Divorce workshops. You’ll learn practical tools, connect with compassionate experts like Morgan Hildebrand, and find encouragement from a community that truly understands.
Because you’re not just “getting through” this — you’re growing through it
To find Morgan Hildebrand, you can reach out to her email mfhildebrand@holistiquebydesign.com or holistique.com.
