Divorce requires making some of the most important financial, legal, and parenting decisions of your life — often while you’re feeling emotionally raw. Fear, anger, guilt, and sadness can cloud your judgment and lead to decisions you later regret.
Crystal Givens understands this deeply, because she’s lived it. When her marriage ended, she walked into the legal system full of pain, anger, and unanswered questions. She quickly realized that the courts didn’t care about her story or her feelings — they only wanted facts. If she didn’t process her grief, she knew her anger would drive her decisions in mediation.
By leaning into the tools of grief recovery, Crystal learned how to pause, breathe, and ground herself so she could make decisions rooted in clarity rather than pain. Today, as an Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist with EBB and FLOW COS, she teaches others those same tools so they can navigate divorce with confidence instead of regret.
How can someone make rational decisions in divorce when emotions are running high?
Crystal Givens:
“When your heart is overwhelmed, it’s nearly impossible to think clearly. Divorce stirs up grief, and grief isn’t just sadness—it’s anger, fear, guilt, and uncertainty all tangled together. Those emotions cloud judgment and can easily lead to decisions you later regret.
That’s why it’s so important to process your emotions before making major choices. With emotional clarity, you can approach decisions with confidence and make choices that support your future.”
What are the best strategies to stay calm and clear-headed during divorce negotiations?
Crystal Givens:
“In the heat of negotiations, you may not have time to step away for long breaks. But you can still calm your nervous system in simple, quick ways:
- Pause and breathe. Even two slow breaths before responding can interrupt the automatic reaction and give you a moment of control.
- Silently name your feeling. A quick mental check-in — ‘I feel angry,’ ‘I feel anxious’ — takes some of the power out of the emotion.
- Ground yourself physically. Plant both feet on the floor, relax your shoulders, and notice something in the room. This brings your mind back into the present.
These are small tools, but they create just enough space between your emotions and your response. And that space matters — it allows you to make choices that reflect your long-term goals, not just the stress of the moment.”
How do you know if you are making choices out of fear or anger instead of long-term needs?
Crystal Givens:
“When emotions are high, it’s easy to make quick choices just to get through the stress. A simple way to check yourself in the moment is to pause and ask: Will this decision still serve me six months or a year from now?
If your choice is driven by wanting to ‘win,’ punish, or escape discomfort, it’s often fueled by fear or anger. If it lines up with your values, your children’s well-being, or the kind of future you want to build, it’s more likely rooted in your long-term needs.
This isn’t always easy to see on your own when you’re overwhelmed. That’s why I work alongside people during divorce — to help them separate the emotional storm from the practical decisions they need to make, so they don’t end up with regrets later.”
Build Clarity, Not Regret
Divorce negotiations are stressful, but they don’t have to rob you of your peace or leave you with regret. With the right tools, you can pause, breathe, and make decisions that truly support your long-term future.
Take the Next Step
If you’re struggling to make decisions because of the emotional storm of divorce, Crystal can help. She offers one-on-one support through the Grief Recovery Method to help you clear the fog and move forward with confidence.
Contact Crystal Givens
Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist, EBB and FLOW COS
Phone: 719.641.6959
Website: ebbandflowcos.com
And if you’d like a safe space to learn from trusted professionals and connect with others going through the same journey, join us at the next Not Quite Done With Divorce Workshop. Register here:https://notquitedonedivorce.org/divorce-workshops/
